Twenty minutes to Kickoff.

Got my coffee. Got my candy. Got my main character.

Laissez les Wrimos roulez!!!

(HA. The real reason Chris Baty chose Nov. 1st for Kickoff: to give us an extra hour to prepare the night before. Thank you, Chris Baty, for being so kind to us Daylight Savings people.) ~~~~~ Research for this novel has been bittersweet. I spoke to Mom's stepmother today for the first time in my life, and I learned the truth behind so many legend and mysteries surrounding my mother's traumatic childhood. More fodder for the novel than I could've hoped for, yet so, so sad. It's difficult for me--I wasn't able to reach down deep enough to clothe these revelations in tenderness and sympathy--I was so excited to hold these gems of information. But for Mom, these are long buried childhood experiences that she does not recall. How do you tell someone the horrible things they went through? I am granted some mercy in that the story I will tell shall be inspired and not absolute truth. But even inspiration can have as sharp an edge as experience. ~~~~~ As a result of today's interview, I have decided to add another matriarchal element to the plot: the compassionate stepmother, who shares the same shining qualities as the Rosalind matriarchs, even if she does not share their blood. Thus, my statement has grown to encompass not only the symbol of strength and courage in this homogeneous Rosalind line, but also the symbol of strength and courage in women who are swept into painful circumstances such as this one, and are divinely pressed to muster the same honorable qualities of a mother supreme.

I am really about ready to pull my hair out. My perfect little 12" screen laptop that got me so swimmingly through Nanowrimo 2003 is kaput. I've gone the Google route to try to figure out what the problem is, but I know as much about formatting hard drives as I do about the Lithuanian language. It's not going to happen. Buying a new laptop is not an option--especially seeing as I have about 29 hours left till Kickoff. It's not like I don't have a suitable substitute: Mark's 17" Dell will do just fine. It's just like dragging a refrigerator around with me. And I wasted a precious Nanowrimo "No plot? No problem!" sticker on that Gateway. Now, the sticker is worth more than the laptop. See? This is why I haven't ever stuck another Nanowrimo sticker anywhere. It's too much of a risk. If I commit, it better be forever.

Less than 48 hours to Kickoff, and I've devoted surprisingly little time to soaking in my novel-to-be. The #1 Must for me, though, is to be sure I have character names in place. The What-Happens is far less crucial than Who-Does. ~~~~~ To be honest, I'm really not relying very much on planning. It seems like I didn't really rely on planning much last year either. I settled into the head of my heroine, the clock struck midnight, and I let her speak. And that's how it went on. And I suspect this is why I had such a problem developing Conflict, why I had such a hard time when I tried to tackle the revision. "Lily" felt and broke and melted and combusted and bled all through the story, but she rarely accomplished anything. She sped faster and faster toward demise, and that's what constituted the bulk of the story. ~~~~~ I don't kick myself for my method, though, because it's gotten me to 50k at least 2-out-of-3 times. Naturally, it's not the way I'd want to approach a novel fit for publishing, but this isn't Random House anyway.

All that stress about the Lafayette Nanowrimo Coffee & Pep Talk, and it is accomplished. And quite well, if you ask me. Thank God my sister was there to help me prepare and set up. In the immortal words of our mother, "I couldn't have done it without her." She is a Godsend. And it's just icing on the cake she's so enthusiastic and creative. Got that from our parents, for sure. Including John and Beth from New Iberia, and myself, we were seven participants. (One of them is our contact from The Vermilion college paper; I'm still tickled pink we got her in on the fun!) And there's my new belly dancer buddy, and her friend whom I've dubbed "Literary Short Story Writer," because I don't know his username yet. Good coffee, good coffee talk. I think we're all a little sketchy about Kickoff, but I think we're optimistic for the most part. Lots of good discussion and tips at the table. Had to be, if it sparked just enough brain for me to come up with a title and plot that will STICK! ~~~~~ I still can't believe I'm ending the night with a title and plot in hand. Maybe it's because I'm tired, but I'm still having trouble backtracking to see just WHERE the idea came from. Naturally, Mom is the only one who would've inspired a story to do with "matriarchs." Is a frequent, frequent reference in our family. And perfect fuel for my burning style. I knew the plot would have to be intimate, and female, and it would have to reflect the kind of life I know. And in order for me to approach the book with any passion, it would have to resound with the force of the triumphs and challenges I've personally experienced/witnessed. So, I looked back at the women in my family, and The Matriarchs of Rosalind, Roe were conceived. ~~~~ It's probably bad luck to "explain" a title that's supposed to lyric and provocative, but for the sake of enthusiasm, I'm indulging myself. Obviously, the story is about matriarchs--four generations of them. And Rosalind, Roe is punctuated as such because "Rosalind" suggests a city inside a state "Roe." "Roe" is actually the city--a fictious place of my own creation, in which last year's Nanowrimo novel was set. It is a self-contained, gossipy sort of big-fish-infested little pond where a drop causes a tidal wave; the rest of the world--including the actual state Louisiana--is irrelevant. "Rosalind" is the maternal surname of these four generations, and "Rosalind" takes a city form in the title because the family line is indeed like unto an established community. "Rosalind" also means "beautiful," "pretty rose," "horse," or "serpent"--all of which appropriately encompass the enduring qualities of these four tiers of women. They are creatures of beauty in their individual ways. They are feminine, and vessels of love--in their individual ways, which are sometimes sharp-cutting, sometimes tender. They are burden-bearing and availing, though in no way subservient. And when threatened, they are indiscriminate, primal, and swift. I'm pleased with the concept, satisfied with the title. But most of all, I commence with the overwhelming conviction this is a story that must be written.

Just got back from the Baton Rouge Kickoff Party, and I'm so glad I went. Everyone else has viable plots at this point, so it's encouraging to hear of their planning progress--especially since I'm no better off this week than I was last week. It struck me--in the middle of the Baton Rouge meeting--this time last year, I was reading The Bell Jar (Sylvia Plath); I'm certain this is why inspiration was so high, why I was able to spin that story with relative ease. This is why 2003's narrative was so self-absorbed and dark. Nanowrimo 2001, I was reading House of Leaves (Mark Z. Danielewski), and my Nano-novel mimicked Danielewski's form, digressing footnotes and visual text effects. Nanowrimo 2002, I was reading my old journals, back in the VW camper days, and the plot took on a road-trip flavor. I'm thinking maybe I should find the time to pick up a short, intense book before Kickoff. Plath-esque narrative came so naturally and comfortably to me. I'd like to weave the words of this year's novel in the same way. But the sum of Plath's life was never repeated in her other works the way it was in The Bell Jar, and the heart of my 2003 novel, Six Seeds to Sabbath, cannot be effectively repeated. --Not that anything Nanowrimo should be effective; and of this, I must continually remind myself. I'd rather go in uninfluenced, but this is such a dry spell this year. I'm really, really afraid to wing it. And I know whatever book I pick up at this point will have some influence on the voice and style for Nanowrimo. Which is important to me, because this voice and style will be the ones which I'll be tethered to (technically, that's inaccurate, because with Nanowrimo, you're tethered to nothing but word count) for the entire month. In any case, it's 12:22 AM. I still haven't wound down from the Baton Rouge meeting. There is still makeup on my face, and I'm jonesin' like anything for a cup of coffee that I will not grant myself because tomorrow is a big day for Lafayette Nanowrimo. BUT...the dishes are humming away in the dishwasher, the kids are all asleep, and there is money in my pocket for Forest's acting lessons. Troupe performance is done, college newspaper interview is done, Baton Rouge meeting is done. I do feel a considerable amount of satisfaction in accomplishment. ~~~~~ Lafayette Nanowrimo Coffee & Pep Talk Date: October 25 (Monday) Time: 7 PM - ??? What: Lafayette Nanowrimo Coffee & Pep Talk Where: CC's Coffee, 340 Kaliste Saloom Road Location: Lafayette Hosted by: A'ilina The Lafayette Daily Advertiser will be present with photographers to cover the event. The Vermilion college newspaper will be present to cover our event. Our contact has suggested a word count "experiment" to see how many words a participant can write within a 15-minute period. If you'd like to participate, bring your pen and paper or laptop. An outlet will be available for our use.

Just got back from Polynesian troupe practice, and good GRIEF--I'm exhausted. Had to put all things Nanowrimo on hold for a couple days, since the Polynesian troupe performance is on Saturday (11:00 AM, new Acadiana Arts building, corner of Jefferson & Vermillion). All our work at the college paid off. My contact from The Vermillion college paper will be meeting with me this weekend for some java and Nano-talk. That'll be fun. And my contact at KRVS college radio station seemed really enthusiastic about running the press release. Then tonight, I tried to recruit the Subway sandwich guy to sign up. He seemed like an ambitious writerly type, so maybe he'll show up at CC's on Monday night. ~~~~~ I cannot believe I STILL don't have a title. ????? What gives??? That's pretty much the first thing I've had taken care of every year. But this year...I've still got "working title" up there, testament of my incompetence! BUT...Nanowrimo IS all about word count. Nanowrimo doesn't care if I have a witty title or not. So, I guess in that case, I could title it something like, "Working Title: Legacy of the Clueless Protagonist Who Had No Idea Where She Was, Where She Was Going, or What She'd Do When She Got There"... That's 25 words out of the way.

I'm flaking on my PLOT.I really don't think I have it in me to spend a whole month constructing a fiction-form social commentary. I like the story; I like the story a lot. But this one is for a time when I have room to be tedious. Sooooooo, I've been thinking about doing something on the question of "the normal family." That's something I've learned many, many, many people consider, and I think I'm in the perfect position to chew on that particular question for 30 days.

I am proud to say, I HAVE A PLOT. Where: "Roe" - my own small town creation When: present day The town of Roe is divided (conflict) when two of its sons--All-American Good Boy and Countercultural Rebel--are killed in a car accident while traveling together (catalyst). Readers experience the Roe tragedy through the eyes of Protagonist (female), Rebel's sister, who is also married to Good Boy's cousin (conflict). I haven't decided on what crystalized the catalyst: animal in the road, another driver, kid throwing rocks from the treeline. I haven't worked out whether I want to neutralize the cause, or demonize it--whether I want to humanize the cause, or objectify it--whether I want to reveal the catalyst at all, or maintain its anonymity. What I decide on will be determined by how much weight I want the cause to hold in contrast to the town's reaction. Neutralization = "It could happen to anyone." Demonization = Characters become victims of a villain. Humanization = The cause can be understood. Objectification = The cause can be opposed. Revelation = Reader carries burden of knowledge, and plot must gratify. Anonymity = Story carries burden of revelation, and plost must gratify. I suppose the plot must gratify any way you slice it. But these are the questions I'll be chewing on over the next few days. I've got to resolve this issue. I cannot go into November with a flaky catalyst. The way I write, the rest of the story's credibility and SOME sense of unity (I tend to forget...this IS Nanowrimo; there's not SUPPOSED to be any unity) depends on it. But the bigger and more pressing question: Do I REALLY have the brain resources to tend to this FREAKING question of catalyst??? And if not, WHY am I punishing myself???

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Papering the college tomorrow for Nanowrimo, and then schmoozing at Cafe Cottage with Sister to try to net some participants. If anything, we'll get to sit in a disgustingly hip atmosphere, drink coffee, smoke cigarettes, talk story, and makes stupid jokes for a couple hours. Much better than stressing at home.

My sister and I spent the afternoon and evening going from shop to shop on Jefferson Street downtown. The good news: not one shop told us we couldn't post our flyer. The bad news: the flyers were really small. They were hand-out flyers--not window displays. And the reason for this is that I didn't make it to Office Max before I drove all the way across town: Not enough time. But at least they're up. And we bent the rules of clean-city aesthetics a bit--we pulled the classic "tons-o'-flyers-pasted-side-by-side-like-they-do-in-New-York" kinda thing. No one stopped us or said, "Hey, you can't do that!" So maybe it'll help. If they don't blow away. ~~~~~ I hit The Independent (newspaper). I'm really crossing my fingers, because The Independent readership is a generally creative crowd. The Lafayette Daily Advertiser--I would think--has a much larger readership, so if we are granted both avenues, I'd hope participation would spike before Kick-Off. ~~~~~ I pick up my flyers tomorrow. --And I do have to pat myself on the back for this--I had 300 Nanowrimo bookmarks printed and cut! I was going to be very conservative and get maybe 100 for the first order. But shoot--who's going to refuse a bookmark??? No one that I know of. I've got dozens of junky ol' bookmarks for off-the-wall causes and events. And I keep them ALL. One can never have too many bookmarks. Besides, people spend MONEY on bookmarks. No one's going to pass up a free one. At least they'll keep it long enough to read what's on it. I think everyone reads their bookmarks at least once. Of course, they're not glamorous bookmarks, or flashy bookmarks, or bright bookmarks, or hip bookmarks. They're actually kinda plain, but they are Nanowrimo bookmarks, and that makes all the difference in the world. ~~~~~ Still no novel ideas. If something doesn't just whack me upside the head soon, I'm going to start getting veeeeeeeery nervous.

Well, as far as I'm concerned, I got the biggest stress out of the way: I finished the press release last night, so God-willing, that will go out to all the planned locations today. But it's raining. So it looks like I won't be posting flyers up outdoors. No problem, though. I'm designing Nanowrimo bookmarks to distribute at various bookstores and coffeeshops. They're more likely to cooperate if they're getting something. And who doesn't love a bookmark? Still NO IDEA what my novel will be about. NO CLUE. At least last year, when I was in the middle of a severe bout of Depression, I was inspired. This year, all I am is exhausted. Maybe it's the weather.

testing testing testing